Time and time again, the universe has tested my patience with bringing negative people in my life. The kind of people who are heavily opinionated and have their ears shut off, the kind that refuses to be wrong, the kind that judges others for their way of being, the kind that shoves their beliefs down your throat, the kind that has a “god-complex”—the list goes on and on. I’m not sure where these kind of people come from, but most that I have met use those traits as a shield, and you’d be surprised at the amount of people who are aloof at those kinds of behaviors. As a person who loves any good argument as the next person, I have learned that there are some people you cannot get through and are definitely not worth it.
I once had a conversation about what gender is the fastest with my acquaintance, Chelsea (for storytelling purposes). It ended quickly. Chelsea was correct by saying that men are faster. I thought I had read in a survey that women were better runners, but hey, I was sarcastically told “if it’s not the internet, it must be real then, right?” As you may imagine, I had smoke coming out of my ears. I don’t care about being wrong as much as I hate rude sarcasm. I didn’t react, I responded. I simply said, “if women want to train to be faster, they can probably do it.” Chelsea responded by telling me that’s not possible because of biology. I didn’t know what else to say. I later felt so annoyed, I found articles supporting my idea, and sent a text to her with my findings. It’s like the educated, collected person I am was hidden and I immediately had to prove myself right to the her. It was pointless. Chelsea responded with a K! Not an okay, kk, alright, cool, no, a K!
I remember feeling so stupid for having to prove myself right to someone who thinks differently than me. I forget that I am not the kind of person who takes dry sarcasm lightly, I don’t even get it half the time. I am an idealistic person who believes anyone can do anything they put their mind into, Chelsea on the other hand…is very analytical and believes more in proof and research (which is absolutely okay).
What I noticed then, is that I expect people to know how I am and to get where I am coming from instead of shooting me down immediately. I also learned that I was better off not continuing that conversation about how any woman can do anything, because Chelsea doesn’t care.
And that’s just it! We continuously expect people to know better and be more sensitive to our emotions, but why? It is not our responsibility to make sure that people are emotionally intelligent. The best thing we can do for ourselves is learn to NOT TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY. Everyone I know, including myself, has developed a shield that we constantly keep up. We become emotionally invested into everything because in my opinion, it’s a way to make us know we are alive. But to think, how many times have you overheard some chisme and thought they were talking about you because maybe you did something similar, and you immediately take it personally? The cyber fights we all see on Facebook, because someone said something that you don’t agree with?
Yes, it is your first amendment right to say what you want to say, but no one is required to listen. We waste so much energy proving ourselves to people who don’t want to listen, and will not change their minds. It’s just not worth my time and energy.
I want to encourage you to breathe and take a moment to think about why something bothers you, the next time you take something personally. This will help you understand that maybe it’s not the person being rude, but it’s your subconscious sparking something inside you. If you discover why you feel negatively, this will bring a positive outcome as you will no longer feel personally attacked if it happens again.
Understanding your emotions is crucial in a world where we talk through text the majority of the time. Even more in person as that is the time you can really practice being in control of your emotions, and realize that you have the higher state of mind to not be naive.